Monthly Archives: April 2010

1) This elegant healthy fruit should be carried around ostentatiously and placed in easy view whenever you have guests. If you have children make sure you put one in their lunch box every day and frown at parents who don’t. … Continue reading →

A gentle handclap is quite sufficient. Whooping, cheering, whistling or otherwise showing enthusiasm are best left to Americans.

It is very important to apologise. All the time. Firstly for not being working class enough. Secondly for not being posh enough. Thirdly for everything else. It is, after all, all your fault. The British Empire. The industrial revolution and … Continue reading →

The good middle class person must have at least one allergy. Failing to do so will leave you feeling distinctly unimportant and under-catered for at social gatherings and give you far less to talk about than your immediate neighbours. If … Continue reading →

Yes.

No.

Air kissing is a bit continental and so should be your preferred method of greeting at every social occasion. It also presents wonderful opportunities for embarrassment and mortification, which should not be foregone. Most distress is likely to be caused … Continue reading →

The well-known fact that planes contribute more to the greenhouse effect than almost any other mode of transport offers you unparalleled opportunities to make your friends and neighbours feel guilty. If they intend to catch any plane anywhere it is … Continue reading →