It is essential to remember that you are not an alcoholic. You just drink because you like the flavour.
The disadvantage of this important distinction is that it prevents you from being able to drink lager in public situations. It will consequently take you longer to get drunk and will have to pretend to like beers with names like Gandalf’s Groin Scratcher.
The advantage is that while at home you can unashamedly drink wine from glasses as wide and deep as Wellington boots. Anyone observing you will know that a big rim enhances the aroma of the grapes, allows the wine to breath properly and enables you to down an entire bottle of Rioja while telling yourself that you have only had a very sensible two glasses. This fantasy can generally be successfully maintained until you try to stand up.
Of course you’re an alcoholic! These days the medical profession has so many different types of alcoholism that they actually cover 100% of the population – including people who’ve never had a drink in their lives. They’re self-denying alcoholics.
Indeed.