Author Archives: samjordison

  On others it is cheap and trashy. On you it is invisible.

It may be a mistake to write about royalty today.  I imagine that the world is already thoroughly bored of hearing about William’s plans to inflict his defective genes on Kate Middleton, less than 24 hours after their engagement was … Continue reading →

There’s no crime in watching art-house cinema. That’s to say difficult, challenging works that pose some fascinating questions about contemporary morality. The presence of all those furiously gyrating man-and-lady-bits in these films merely indicate the lengths to which the director … Continue reading →

A wedding is a gross imposition of the state upon your private life. What does the law have to do with what you do with your genitals? Absurd. And the idea that you should sanctify your personal relationship with such … Continue reading →

A brief note about how you really don’t expect presents and the pleasure of your guests’ company is wealth enough should be followed by a link to website to a detailed list of gifts that you have carefully selected to … Continue reading →

An orderly queue is a wonderful thing. It’s far more than just the most practical and fair way of ensuring everybody gets their turn and share of attention. It’s a place where everybody is equal before the iron hands of … Continue reading →

The trick is to watch as much television as you possibly can while fervently denying that you take in anything more than the news and a couple of well chosen high quality serials.   Correct form: I only watch DVD … Continue reading →

If your house is visited by a manual-labourer numerous opportunities for exquisite embarrassment present themselves. These should be seized with both hands – along with any particularly heavy items your plumber has with him in order to “show willing.” If … Continue reading →

Never, under any circumstances, admit that you don’t enjoy listening to hip-hop.

I’m unsure why the middle class is so convinced that they have an inalienable right to do stuff-all from now until September. Or why they also expect as God-given that the people who service the planes, trains and roadways will … Continue reading →